FEAR..SCARED..AFRAID..

Her: "Apa perkara kau takutkan dlm hidup ni ye?..
Me : "Hahahaha..Nape tanye aku mcm tu eh?"
Her: "Sbb ko nampak mcm xde apa nak ditakutkan..X takut hantu..Org
ke ape ke.."
Me : "Hahaha..Aku tkt je hantu tp x terlalu pikirkan psl tu..Tu je..
Aku penakut..Byk hal aku takut.."
Her: "Apa?"

That was part of a conversation between me and a good friend.. What am I scared of?..What is my fear?..And surely we are not talking about afraid of Allah, death and a such..That's already an understanding of it..We were talking about matters..She thought I'm not such a person of fear which is contrary to who I actually am..

I'm just a typical person with so many things that I'm afraid of, if only not to the view or thought of other people..I just couldn't know which fear is the biggest..They might be just on par of each other..

Loss is 1 of those.."Yela..Tu semua org takut"..That's what she said..Yes n I'm just 1 of those..No matter how, strong, bold or blunt I look as from people's view, I'm just totally scared of losing.. Especially my beloveds..To ever imagine the loss will already shed tears out of me..Moreover to face it..Patah tumbuh hilang berganti..Ayat senang la direka, ditulis..Mcm mana pun.. Kehilangan tu salah satu dari lumrah..Or maybe also a "fitrah".. Nak x nak..Takut ke tak..Suka ke x suka..Tetap kene hadapi..Faced few loss before..Should be adapted to it but I just know that I still can't bare with it if ever it happens again..

What more to scare of??..In my case..Rejection is another matter.. If ever I look so blunt, strict, strong and feeling-less (that's what claimed by some friends..;P), rejection is a thing that I just don't feel like encountering, whether by purpose or by coincidence.. Rejection ni byk perkara..Tak payah nak pikir bab cintan-cintun je.. My rejection fear could be to some extent, it sounds not logic anymore to actually scared of..Tapi nak buat mcm mana..Humans are just not same of each other..

Future..Juga antara perkara yg ditakuti..Tapi lebih kpd yg dirisaukan..But I once read a book..

"Tiada apa harus dirisaukan tentang masa depan kerana hari esok itu masih berada dlm perkara2 yg ghaib..Nikmati apa yg anda ada hari ini dan bljr dari kesilapan smlm"

Apa or mcm mana sekalipun ketakutan kita..Yg penting kawalan diri.. Rasa mcm takutkan hantu..Don't think much of it krn itu betul2 mainan fikiran.. Sentiasa berwaspada n jg keselamatan diri..That's what I've been doing..Self preservation is part of it.. I don't portray myself of the fear to both matters, loss and rejection.. Seldom for me to show to people of how hurtful I am of the loss and rejection..As I try to avoid both from the beginning.. Trying my best no to lose stuff or to be rejected at first..Loss is sometime out of my control but rejection is not..To not start,be more reserve, to just lay back is how I manage my fear of rejection..It's funny and strange to people, but it works well to me..And that concludes why do I look feeling-less, strong, garang and bla2 to some people.....;)

Buat Baik Berpada-pada..Sbb Tak Semua Org Appreciate Pun...

Suck it off...Yuck fou...Semua pun rasa ada la..Sometime I always wonder what make even the pious people become this way???...Which way???.. Kompom bende ni penah jadi kat semua org..Sometime we just don't know what's in people heart and mind making them that way.. What way???

Dekat dunia ni...Biase buat baik..Org xde rasa apa pun..Jauh sekali nak appreciate..And sekali tukang buat baik tu terbikin slack,habis hilang semua kebaikan die..Consideration die..Tolak ansur die..Pehal kene camtu?..Sbb dah biase sgt buat baik org dah jadi take for granted.. People feel that it's not something uncommon dah..So bila sekali ada slack, gegak gempita seantero dunia duk ckp pasal tu.. YUCK FOU!!

And worse case scenario when a person who tend not to do good things all the time till people around become so "adapted" to it..Sekali die buat baik and menyatakan pulak kebaikan yg die dah buat tu, org sekeliling sikit punya puji, hargai, kagum etc.. Mcm ci***..

Tu masalah manusia..Kite hidup dgn kebiasaan..Bkn dgn kelogikan.. Pertimbangan hati dan akal..Bnde kite biase tgk dgn mata fizikal so kite x guna mata hati n akal..Kite cpt conclude..Cpt hukum..

This will happen anywhere..Workplace..Sedara-mara..Even family sendiri..Yup..Lagi sedih bila jadi dlm family.. Family could be your protector and attacker at the same time.. Living the whole life with a family could sometime lead you being taken for granted..Lagi2 bila kite meletakkan diri kita mcm boleh je utk apa keadaan..Menghrpkan akan dihargai..Tapi x senang2 camtu la..

~THE NEXT THREE DAYS~

Imagine to wake up in the sweet and glorious morning to know that your wife is going to be caught and accused with murder and then sentenced to 20years even she's actually innocent. And you being the husband, trying so hard to release her until you become who you are not..

The story tells about Lara Brennan (Elizabeth Banks)who is convicted of murdering her boss after an altercation at work even she claimed she's innocent and it was robbery as she bumped onto the thief and the evidences were not on her side. Following the failure of her appeal, Lara's husband John Brennan (Russel Crowe), a professor at a community college, becomes obsessed with the idea of breaking her out of jail, while their son Luke ceases to acknowledge her during their prison visits. John consults Damon Pennington (Liam Nesson), a former convict who successfully escaped from prison seven times. Damon advises John to study the prison, saying "every prison has a key". Damon also warns him that the initial escape from the prison will be easy compared with avoiding capture after the escape. To that end, John must obtain false passports, new social security numbers, and a "truckload of cash" to have a chance of success. Damon also suggests going to an unpopular foreign destination for Americans.


Cerita ni mengenai menjadi seseorang yg bukan diri kita demi sesuatu atau seseorang yg sangat kita sayang. It's about our belief upon the person we love which might be beyond the law power..John believes her wife is innocent despite evidence to the contrary..John yakin isteri dia adalah mangsa keadaan. Berada di tempat dan masa yg salah..Tetapi undang-undang manusia tidak memihak kepadanya dan dia mengambil undang-undang sendiri untuk membetulkan keadaan dan menenangkan hatinya dan anaknya kerana ketiadaan orang tersyg di sisi..


Tengok cerita ni buat kita berfikir sejenak. Bagaimana kalau keadaan yg sama jadi kat kita?..It sounds ridiculous or just another idea of Hollywood movie yet..It could happen.. To what extend could we sacrifice our self for someone we love?


Plot cerita ni bergerak pantas tetapi cukup mudah difahami..The climax was when Lara had to be moved to other prison in three days time as her appeal was rejected and John must ignore all hesitations he's been having while planning for the flee and take the risky step to release her wife..Ada beberapa adegan boleh buat jantung berhenti berdegup especially towards the ending when John trying to flee off with her wife after making her escaped from the prison.. Cerita ini cuba menyampaikan mesej tentang keilmuan itu penting utk membuatkan manusia bisa bertindak dengan jayanya walau atas dasar baik atau buruk..John hanya seorg professor biasa tapi boleh ada criminal mind melalui pengamatan, pengkajian dan pembelajaran walaupun niatnye salah..


Scenes John melaksanakan rancangannya dari mula hingga akhir masa nak "bebaskan" isteri dia memang best sangat..Rancangan John teratur dan dia cukup fokus serta pantas membuat keputusan. Pemilihan Russel Crowe sgt tepat..His charismatic attitude fits the character of John Brennan well..The 1 and half hour duration felt like endless as you seemed couldn't expect what would happen in the end...

"Lose who you are to save what you love"

Bila BFF Berkahwin..

Smlm slept over at BFF's home..Helped her to pack guest souvenirs for her upcoming wedding..Yep..She's getting married in a month..X lama lagi pun..Skrg sebulan mcm petik jari 2 3x je dah sampai dah.. Still talking to myself in disbelief that she's gonna be a wife finally.. Nak kata benda jadi terlalu sudden pun x jugak..Tapi aku rasa mcm.. Laju smcm semua proses dia ni..Tau2..Eh..Bln dpn nak kahwin dah..

Been friend for nearly 8 years..Since UTM..In fact got to know each other during matriks tp ms tu poyo senior-junior time so xleh baik sgt.. Kakaka..N last became roomates when firstly entered UTM..And the friendship just grew smoothly day by day..Became much closer since working time..

Proud to declare her as 1 of my BFF..She's there during my downs.. Much more during my ups..Able to talk to her in freedom, sarcasm, joy, frustration, sadness...Be it any situations..Dia sesengal-sengal manusia juga sebaik-baik kwn..With her I cry..With her I laugh..

As she's getting married..Surely I'm one of the happiest person.. But how denial can I be as I'm also sad bout it..Hahaha..Bila seorg perempuan berkahwin..Keadaan akan berubah..Sebyk or sesikit mana pun..Pasti ada.. No matter how much assurance she would imply to u that she will remain the same..But the situation will make her not..
I can't no more simply calling her at any time for catch ups, dining, movies, menyotong,mnm bubble tea, bla2..I have now to respect more her time being a wife..

Well surely this is not the first time a good friend of mine is getting married..But in her case..She's a BFF..Whom I love and care as much as I could..Nasib baik another BFF still in the same condition with me..Nad...Ko nak kawin tggu aku okay!! (ni arahan bukan pesanan).

I'm still adjusting my mind trying to understand clearly that she's getting married soon..And alhamdulillah..I'm kinda adjusted..Hrp2 hari dia nikah..Xde pulak lak cecair kristal clear ni nak kuar2 pulak..Itu yg x bleh tahan tu...Aiissshhhh..

Bila BFF berkahwin..The memories remain..And the upcoming shall begin..

The Afters-Ocean Wide

This is a new song that I'm so into now..Not so latest as it made out to public on 2008 yet still the latest one to my ear..Hehe..From The Afters, called Ocean Wide..The melody is really nice to hear.. Sbb sy sgt sukakan alternative rock yg mempunyai gabungan bunyi instrument yg lengkap which include drum, bass, lead n acoustic guitar and even keyboard.. Hehe..And the best thing bout the melody is.. Lagu ni ade trn naik graf..Start from verse, chorus, bridge n back to chorus..N surely.. The lyric which is simple yet deep n meaningful.. The song tells about two people living life together and they come across such ups and downs which they have to manage on their own and the end of the day it's back to the love between them which can be an ocean wide..Ala2 lagu utk suami isteri pun boleh or couple yg dh lama harung ssh sng..Hehehe..Care to listen to the song?..Just click at the media player at the left side of my blog.. Enjoy...=)

The Afters

Ocean Wide

[Verse]
Look outside

It's already light and the stars ran away with the night
Things were said, words that we'll try to forget,
It's so hard to admit
I know we've made mistakes
I see through all the tears but that's what got us here

[Chorus]
If love is an ocean wide
We'll swim in the tears we cry
They'll see us through to the other side
We're gonna make it
When love is a raging sea
You can hold on to me
We'll find a way tonight
Love is an ocean wide

[Verse]
I'll stay right here
It's where I'll always belong
Tied with your arms
Days like this, I wish the sun wouldn't set
I don't want to forget
What made us feel this way
You see through all my fears
And that's what got us here

[Chorus]

Love is an ocean wide enough to forget
Even when we think we can't

Ramadhan Datang Lagi...

Today is the 1st Ramadhan..Without realizing, it has been a year since the last one..Rasa cpt sgt..Mcm bulan puasa yg dulu baru je jugak lagi habis..Tup2 dah bulan puasa 2010..Gossshhh..So talking bout this Ramadhan..I feel so blur..Feels like it's another Ramadhan to be furnished with fasting, terawikh n tadarus..No anticipation at all.. I in fact don't have any excitement of going to PARAM (psr ramadhan).. Xde plan nak beli makan tu, air ni..Just looking forward for a simple nasi n lauk for buka puase..Why am I being this way??.. Sudah tuakah..Or maybe kesan Ramadhan yg lalu..

Ye..Ramadhan thn lps mmg ssh nak lupa..Ramadhan with joy n sorrow.. But more with sorrow..In fact..More pain..Ramadhan thn lps...I was in the middle of such an emotionally unstable condition..Sebelum start Ramadhan thn lps..Hari2 badan aku x jejak ke tanah..Fikiran melayang..Bila msk Ramadhan..Awal2 puasa tu..Bgn shr selalu agk awal sbb tido x lena..Terganggu dgn mimpi2 yg menggusarkan..My terawih full of tears..Tiap2 kali sujud rasa xleh nak bgn blk..As a matter of fact at that time..Hati aku sgt x tenang.. Jiwa aku sgt kacau.. Fikiran aku mcm nak gila..Semua disebabkan 17 Julai 2009..But as Allah always promise..Ramadhan is a blessful month among all..Time Ramadhan thn lps la aku mula dpt ketenangan hati sikit2 lps lebih sebulan mcm nak gila..Dlm pertengahan puasa..Terasa Allah bagi ketenangan, kekuatan..Dan sampai kini..I can manage all the frustration and misery along the way walaupun kdg2 keserabutan tu timbul..Tapi Ramadhan thn lps la permulaannya..

This Ramadhan..Of course feel much better..And wanna enjoy the month to the fullest..Joined the Faculty tadarus team..Insyaallah akan ada geng buka puasa bila mahu (Tini Awang kamula sape lagikan..Hahaha).. Dah ganti kebanyakan kelas so will have much time to do my own works..

This Ramadhan..I will become a year older..And as a matter of fact.. I feel old already..Membygkan PARAM yg serabut, sesak dgn org n merimaskan sampai xde rasa nak pegi pun is good enuff to indicate my age crisis..Huhuhu..

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan...

Ada Apa Dengan OGOS...

Ogos muncul kembali...August is one of my anticipation every year.. Ogos penanda ada lagi 4 bln je before tahun tu berkahir...Ogos bulan Malaysia sambut Merdeka..N this year..August will be celebrated as Eid Mubarak by Muslim as Ramadhan falls on the same time..Friendship Day falls in August..Oh ya.. Ogos anniversary Siti dgn Datuk K.. Hahaha..

Apa yg sinonim sgt Ogos ni dgn aku..Well generally..August is an indicator to my paradigm shift..Bulan Ogos la Abg Wadi, Kak Wati n aku mengalami tambahan setahun kematangan hidup..People will usually look back at what they have achieved either at the beginning or the end of year..But me..I look at those at August..Setiap Ogos yg tiba..Apa yg aku dah capai dlm hidup..N what will I achieve in the next August..

Org2 xleh terima hakikat maybe akan ckp..Apa ada pd umur..Hahaha.. Yes..Age is just a number..But age indicates something..If not the interpretation of age wouldn't exist..Pasti ada beza bila berumur 10 thn, 20 thn, 30 thn bla2...Kalau xde beza...Tanda hidup sia2 mungkin.. To me age is something as I enjoyed every single year of my life..Be it ups or downs..My single year of age was fulfilled..

Ada apa dgn Ogos..Mmmm..August is always something sentimental to me..Back when I was kid..Ogos tu mcm lambat je nak sampai..But now as I am..Pejam celik je dah Ogos..Pejam celik lagi dah Ogos thn dpn..Pejam celik lagi dah Ogos seterusnya..

Of those 28 times of August..I had experienced a lot..A wonderful August, a sad one, a happening one..May Allah bless me with more years of August...