Sunday, December 11, 2011


Her: "Apa perkara kau takutkan dlm hidup ni ye?..
Me : "Hahahaha..Nape tanye aku mcm tu eh?"
Her: "Sbb ko nampak mcm xde apa nak ditakutkan..X takut hantu..Org
ke ape ke.."
Me : "Hahaha..Aku tkt je hantu tp x terlalu pikirkan psl tu..Tu je..
Aku penakut..Byk hal aku takut.."
Her: "Apa?"

That was part of a conversation between me and a good friend.. What am I scared of?..What is my fear?..And surely we are not talking about afraid of Allah, death and a such..That's already an understanding of it..We were talking about matters..She thought I'm not such a person of fear which is contrary to who I actually am..

I'm just a typical person with so many things that I'm afraid of, if only not to the view or thought of other people..I just couldn't know which fear is the biggest..They might be just on par of each other..

Loss is 1 of those.."Yela..Tu semua org takut"..That's what she said..Yes n I'm just 1 of those..No matter how, strong, bold or blunt I look as from people's view, I'm just totally scared of losing.. Especially my beloveds..To ever imagine the loss will already shed tears out of me..Moreover to face it..Patah tumbuh hilang berganti..Ayat senang la direka, ditulis..Mcm mana pun.. Kehilangan tu salah satu dari lumrah..Or maybe also a "fitrah".. Nak x nak..Takut ke tak..Suka ke x suka..Tetap kene hadapi..Faced few loss before..Should be adapted to it but I just know that I still can't bare with it if ever it happens again..

What more to scare of??..In my case..Rejection is another matter.. If ever I look so blunt, strict, strong and feeling-less (that's what claimed by some friends..;P), rejection is a thing that I just don't feel like encountering, whether by purpose or by coincidence.. Rejection ni byk perkara..Tak payah nak pikir bab cintan-cintun je.. My rejection fear could be to some extent, it sounds not logic anymore to actually scared of..Tapi nak buat mcm mana..Humans are just not same of each other..

Future..Juga antara perkara yg ditakuti..Tapi lebih kpd yg dirisaukan..But I once read a book..

"Tiada apa harus dirisaukan tentang masa depan kerana hari esok itu masih berada dlm perkara2 yg ghaib..Nikmati apa yg anda ada hari ini dan bljr dari kesilapan smlm"

Apa or mcm mana sekalipun ketakutan kita..Yg penting kawalan diri.. Rasa mcm takutkan hantu..Don't think much of it krn itu betul2 mainan fikiran.. Sentiasa berwaspada n jg keselamatan diri..That's what I've been doing..Self preservation is part of it.. I don't portray myself of the fear to both matters, loss and rejection.. Seldom for me to show to people of how hurtful I am of the loss and rejection..As I try to avoid both from the beginning.. Trying my best no to lose stuff or to be rejected at first..Loss is sometime out of my control but rejection is not..To not start,be more reserve, to just lay back is how I manage my fear of rejection..It's funny and strange to people, but it works well to me..And that concludes why do I look feeling-less, strong, garang and bla2 to some people.....;)

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